| Massive clouds & Landslides |
[18 Oct 2007|03:57am] |
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A landslide. They're not pretty. They're messy. And basically, I safely assume, that no one wants to be caught in and/or be anywhere near by, when one occures because they'll fuck your shit up. Correct?
So you're standing at the top of the Grand Canyon. It's around sunset, and the beauty of the light climbing over the earth, hitting the red tinged walls of this magnificent canyon, is almost nauseating, it's so beautiful. And what the fuck.. the earth right beneath your feet begins to fall out from underneath you, sucking you into this big ass fucking canyon, never to see the light of another day again. Atleast your last seconds were enjoyable, right?
I mean, honestly, what do you do when everything is just spiraling out of control & there's nothing you can do but watch yourself go down? The feeling is.. helpless & scared & just everything moshed up into one huge ass ball.
And just the fact that you're watching yourself go down into a fucking abyss with no help or way out.. really, is the most helpless feeling, that as of right now, with the experience, or lack there of, I've had in the 20 years of life on the face of this planet.. I can't possibly compare to anything else.
Or maybe I'm just being over-dramatic. Who knows.
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| The good the bad & the right-out ugly. |
[07 Jun 2007|02:00pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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music |
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Hanson - In a Way |
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I hung out with Stephanie & her friend Tamra Tuesday & Wednesday. We were just a tad tipsy and I came up with the brilliant idea to call Lennon. So apparently [in his drunken stooper as well] he said the it was nothing personal. He even said that many of his close friends & even his mother go through not hearing back from him for a while. Because he's just too damn busy. And then of course we talked about other random things. So I was pretty happy that night because it really bothered me.
The next day had it's good & bad moments. I went with Stephanie to get her first tattoo. Yay. She loves it. I got a hair cut. I cut off six inches. Alexis, the girl who cut it, is fucking amazing. It was pretty late when we finally got back to get it cut. Stephanie's mom was pretty pissed off that she was still out. And then, of course, a close friend of Stephanie's was almost no longer friends with her. But they straightened that out afterwards.
So I'm finally home on the computer.. and Angela IMs me saying I don't have time for her since I moved to Florida. I've changed. I care about Stephanie more. So pretty much what she said was she found a person to replace me, she felt bad, but it was like fuck you Sara. I've known you for what.. 7 years, and this random new girl I found can replace you that easily. If I didn't have Stephanie I would be 10 times more upset than I am. But if that's what she wants theres not much I could do about it.
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| Better days are coming at last |
[01 Jun 2007|01:12pm] |
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mood |
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 hungry |
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music |
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I'm Yours |
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Stephanie came to visit me for my 20th birthday on Wednesday.
I was absolutely thrilled
The day itself was pretty good. I was 'surprised' with a cake. Stephanie came down. I got some money & shit. Then we headed to the mall.. though I was too indecisive to pick anything out. I really had a lovely day.
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| Life in a different perspective. |
[26 Apr 2007|05:06am] |
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mood |
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Bewildered |
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music |
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My thoughts. |
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So, I moved to Florida. I suppose you can say I got sick of it in Jersey. Everything that went on. I no longer speak with my mother, as it was her choice, but in the long run getting out of there was vital. It's kind of weird, though. I haven't spoken to her in a little over 2 months. I feel like she's gone, almost. Like she died and isnt physically able to speak to me anymore. It's just that weird to me. Almost unfathomable that she could stop speaking with her own daughter because I decided to move out. Away from her idiot boyfriend, and just everything that happened. I want to forget the whole scenario and start fresh. Start new. Writing about it is a good way to get it out of the system; otherwise I wouldn't be so dismal. Ugh.
Well, I like it here. It's often hot and it's only spring. I can't imagine the summer. I've been here once during the summer. And as you step outside you're literally drenched in sweat. Quite attractive. Still making friends. I guess Stephanie has completely shut me out. I suppose that boyfriend of hers is way too precious to take out ten minutes to call me. Mm it doesn't matter, Hmm, what else. Angie & I have made plans to move in together, late this year or early next year. I'm looking forward to it, but also hesitant. I don't think I'm quite ready to move to California, yet. And I'm not really sure how to go about telling her. She's been really excited about it.. talking about it all the time. I don't want to rain on her parade. I'm not really sure what to do.
As far as the music goes, I'm always trying, but it seems to be coming to a hault. Especially down here. I haven't been writing or anything. I guess it's going to take some time to get over what happened. The whole move, and getting used to everything.
Help me if you can I'm feeling down.
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| Giggedy giggedy giggedy alrightttt |
[15 Aug 2005|12:45am] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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My Chemical Romanceeeee |
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Im starting a new journal whee. Im so terrible with updating my journals. Haha. And now playing Second Life [which you should try its the best game ever] it gives me more of an excuse not to update.
By the way.. I love my new-ish orange hair.. what do you think??
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